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    掩耳盜鈴

    時間:2019-03-23 18:58:25  來源:原創  作者:肖寧
    人物:官員甲,官員乙,趙簡子,范吉射(兩人都是晉國官員,趙簡子是上卿,范吉射是卿大夫),周芷云字靜珊,林冬卉字安雙,(周芷云和林冬卉都是趙簡子手下的女捕快)無名小偷,唐高祖李淵,官員丙,官員丁
            (官員甲,官員乙上,抱著一個鍍金的銅像)
            (春秋戰國之時,晉國統治集團內部經常發生分裂割據,相互兼并的戰爭)
            官員甲    這是我的!
            官員乙    我的,是我的!
            官員甲    我的!
            官員乙    我的!
            (趙簡子上)
            趙簡子    兩位大哥不用爭論,你們先打一架,誰贏了銅像就是誰的。
            官員甲/官員乙(齊聲)嗯,有道理,咱倆先打一架再說。(扭打在一起)
            (趙簡子抱著銅像,飛起一腳把官員甲乙踹出九霄云外)
            趙簡子(抱著銅像冷笑)哼哼,到手的肥肉還能還給你們?做你的美夢吧。(抽出折扇打開)哎!大家好,還記得我嗎?在東郭先生和狼那個故事里,我露過臉,把中山狼追得無處可逃的晉國上卿趙簡子就是在下。(收起折扇指著臺下,焦慮中)不過啊,中山狼是可以殺完的,可這跟中山狼一樣喜歡跟我對著干的人他就是殺不完,呔!老天有眼,終于讓我殺到最后一個了,這個人啊不是別人,就是你們的老朋友,當朝卿大夫范吉射,嗨!誰叫他老是跟我唱反調呢?
    (又把折扇打開)天下之事無奇不有,那周郡守把他那兩個如花似玉的寶貝女兒和外甥女送給我當捕快。呔!捕快我不缺,女捕快倒是稀罕,雖說姑娘家家的繡花多好啊!但是不要小看她們,做事還真有一套,這么重要的事情,還是找她們商量商量吧。(清清嗓子)周靜珊!林安雙!
            (周芷云,林冬卉女扮男裝上)
            周芷云/林冬卉(單膝跪地,拱手作揖)拜見趙大人!
            趙簡子(圍著她倆打轉)嗨呦喂!女扮男裝裝的不賴嘛!不仔細看還真看不出來。
            周芷云(冷靜)承蒙大人褒獎,不知大人叫小的前來,可是為了什么要緊的事?
            趙簡子(嘆氣)那范吉射一日不死,我便一日不得安寧,只是不知道該怎么名正言順地處置他。
            林冬卉(笑)大人請放心,屬下保證那范吉射定然見不到明天的太陽了。
            趙簡子(疑惑)哦?安雙,此話怎講?
            林冬卉    屬下剛才和靜珊姐姐以串通外國,勾結謀反的罪名將范吉射押入死囚牢,只待大人一聲令下就可發落。
            趙簡子(欣喜若狂)好!好!事成之后,一定提拔你們當個頭頭。去把范吉射給我押上來。
            周芷云/林冬卉(拱手)謝大人,屬下這就去辦。

            (不多時,兩人押著披枷帶鎖的范吉射上來了)
            范吉射(聲嘶力竭地嘶吼)趙簡子你個亂臣賊子,我做鬼也不會放過你!啊——(被兩人拖到了鍘刀處,處斬)
            (趙簡子大開殺戒,滅了范氏全家后,還把范府抄了個精光,就剩下院子里的一口青銅大鐘)
            周芷云    這院子前一陣子還是范府,現在卻成了個破宅,唉,世事無常啊!
            林冬卉    表姐,這青銅大鐘怎么辦?實在太沉了,我搬不動。
            周芷云    暫時不要動它,反正沒個工具也搬不走。對了,城里最近新開了一家點心鋪,我請客好啦。
            (林冬卉“砰”的一下關上門,貼上封條,和周芷云一起走了)
            
            (面黃肌瘦的小偷上)
            小偷(摸了摸空癟癟的肚子)哎呦呦,兩天沒吃東西了,肚子好餓啊。(轉身來到范府)這里不是范大夫的家嗎?雖然他家被抄了,但俗話說,亂船也有三分邊。我不如進去看看,能不能偷點值錢的東西。(繞著宅子跑了一圈。)哎喲,居然沒有狗洞,看來我只好爬墻了。
            (小偷爬上墻,左看看右看看,很快就發現了大院中的青銅大鐘。)
            小偷    啊,一口大鐘!哎喲!(一個不留神,從墻上摔了下去,那樣子要多狼狽有多狼狽)好漂亮的大鐘啊!
    (走過去一敲)嗨!還是青銅的,肯定值不少錢,我來把它偷回去。
            (小偷徒手根本就搬不動大鐘,用鐵棒撬,反而砸了自己的腳。抱著腳單腳跳個不停)
            小偷(繞著大鐘轉了兩圈,他決定把大鐘敲碎,一塊一塊搬回去。)嘿嘿,把大鐘敲碎了,一塊一塊拿回去,哎呦,我真是太聰明了。(攤開手掌)可是沒錘子呀。(左顧右盼,發現墻角倚著一把錘子,直奔過去拿起錘子)哎喲真是天助我也,我要發財嘍!
            (小偷舉起錘子猛擊大鐘,大鐘發出了沉悶的鐘聲,他被嚇出一身冷汗。)這可不行,這不就等于告訴別人,我在這里偷鐘嗎?哎呀,這可怎么辦?(情不自禁地伸手捂住大鐘)求你別響了別響了別響了,有人聽著呢!
            (可是鐘聲怎么可能捂得住呢?鐘聲依舊傳得很遠很遠)
            小偷(下意識的捂住耳朵,竊喜)咦,鐘聲變小了,哎,聽不見了。哎呀,妙極了妙極了!把耳朵捂住不就聽不見了嗎?我這個腦袋可真是絕頂聰明。(扯下袖子上的破布,堵住耳朵)嘿嘿,這回誰也聽不見了吧。
            (小偷肆無忌憚地開始敲鐘)

            (隱隱約約的傳來幾聲狗叫,大門被人粗暴地踹開了,周芷云和林冬卉沖進門來)
            周芷云(怒吼)    大膽小賊,竟敢來偷鐘!
            小偷(把手放在耳朵邊上)啊?你說什么?沒聽見,大聲點!
            林冬卉(抽出手中的佩刀)我們是捕快!
            小偷(戰戰兢兢)啊啊呦,捕,捕快大小姐。(抓耳撓腮,疑惑)哎,我明明把耳朵捂上了呀!哎!你們是怎么聽到的呀?
            周芷云(抿唇而笑)嘿嘿,你以為你把耳朵堵上了,我們就聽不見啦?我們的耳朵又沒有被堵住!
            林冬卉(冷笑)哼,見過傻瓜,沒見過你這樣的傻瓜,把自己都騙了,該說你聰明呢,還是聰明反被聰明誤呢?
            小偷(絕望)啊?原來你們能聽得見鐘聲呀?
            周芷云/林冬卉(上前揪住小偷的領子)跟我們見官去!
            (大個子獵狗繼續嗷嗷的叫起來,周芷云和林冬卉揪著小偷的衣領拖著他走)
            小偷(欲哭無淚)哎呦!大小姐饒命啊,小的再也不敢了。
            周芷云/林冬卉(粗暴地打斷了他的話)少廢話,快走!

            (時間到了唐朝,唐高祖李淵正坐在御書房里讀《呂氏春秋》)
            李淵(笑)嘿嘿,這個故事真的太有意思了。真是掩耳盜鈴啊。
            官員丙(滿腹狐疑)《呂氏春秋》里記載的不是掩耳盜鐘嗎?皇上是不是說錯了?
            官員丁(滿臉鄙夷的看著官員丙)我呸!皇上就算說錯了,那也是對的。
            官員丙/官員丁(齊聲附和)啊,是是是。真是掩耳盜鈴啊!
            





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